As I mentioned in my last post, I have a lot of questions
for myself as I try to discover what my purpose is. My purpose in the everyday
moments—how I’m supposed to be spending my time and energy. I already know my
purpose is to be a wife and mother; that part’s obvious. What I want to know is
what purpose I will serve beyond that.
As I was walking on the treadmill today, all those questions
began resurfacing in my mind and I actually began to panic. They aren’t even
big questions involving major life decisions, such as the possibility of moving
or a new job or whether to have another baby or adopt. I just want to know how
to spend every hour of my day. I want to know what being a wife, mother, and
homemaker looks like for me.
When I was teaching elementary school, every hour was filled
with very purposeful tasks. There was no need to question my place or my role.
I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. In teaching, there was a clear vision
of the goals I had to accomplish in a year. My days were laid out so perfectly,
my classroom was organized in a very functional and efficient way, I had a
system for managing paperwork and grading, and I worked diligently every minute
to make sure my students were learning. That entire school world is the kind of
place where I thrive. To be honest, one of the things I loved most about
teaching was managing my classroom.
Now that I stay home with my daughter through the day,
things are much different. I’ve realized that it’s definitely not as easy as I
thought it would be! I still need my days laid out perfectly (instead of a
lesson plan book, a very detailed planner), my home needs to be organized in a
very functional and efficient way (from drawers to closets to filing cabinets),
I must have a system for managing paperwork and files, and I have to work
diligently every minute to make sure the most important tasks are getting
accomplished (including playing with my little toddler).
In the previous post, I said that I was experimenting with
different projects and hobbies, trying to determine what my niche was. However,
in doing that, my mind has been drifting away from the Source of the answers to
my questions. I’m trying to decide what things I enjoy most, what would make me
feel like the person I want to be (if that makes sense), and what I think would
make me most fulfilled.
While reading True Spirituality by Chip Ingram on the treadmill today, a strong sense of peace
surrounded me as I was reminded that I am the daughter of the One who knows
all. He knows who I am, who I am becoming, and what I am supposed to do with my
time. Chip says:
My choices and your choices are
always finite and limited—on our own, we will always choose second best for
ourselves. There’s only One being in all the earth who knows all things actual
and possible and who cares so deeply for us that He is committed to giving us
the very best. (p. 42)
Of course I’m not questioning everything I’m supposed to be
doing throughout the day. There are basic life responsibilities, such as doing
laundry, cooking, and cleaning, that whether I enjoy them or not, I’ve just got
to suck it up and do it. (And there’s a completely other wonderful topic we
could discuss about practicing wisdom
in the everyday mundane tasks. Read The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst.) I need to figure out how to manage my time in
such a way that I can accomplish my responsibilities, be a selfless wife, train
and nurture Molly, and serve God and others by using my gifts without becoming
overbooked and overwhelmed. I want to be productive and intentional, whether it’s
with household chores or nurturing relationships with others.
In order to do this, I need to quit asking myself what would
most satisfy me and ask God how I can honor Him in everything I do. I have to
surrender to Him who knows what’s best for me and what will bring out the best
in me. As a wise person once said, the purpose of prayer is not for us to seek
the answers but to seek God Himself.
I can start “finding myself” by asking God to reveal the
gifts and talents that He has already given me. Fortunately, I’ve already
discovered over the past many years what those are for me. It helps to know my
spiritual gift, my “love language”, my personal interests, and my personality
type. If you are a Christ-follower and you have not yet discovered your
spiritual gift, I encourage you to take a spiritual gifts survey. Also,
everyone needs to know their love language; you will find this quite helpful in
not only your relationship with your spouse but in all close relationships. Reading
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
will help you learn how to put your love language into practice and how to love
others in their language. Another book that was very eye-opening to me was The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg. I
feel like God used this book to help me accept the person I am as the person He
created me to be. I made a lot of self-discoveries while reading it.
To conclude . . . whew
I’m still in the process of developing my life mission
statement. Yesterday, I worked on ideas for a family mission statement, but
that will have to involve my husband’s participation as well. More to follow on
the development of a mission statement and how I plan to use “life verses” to help
guide me.
No comments:
Post a Comment